There were three boys
in my family when I was growing up. I was known as the dustbin. If any food was left over, I'd eat it. Dad was a teacher with
the British Forces and we lived in Cyprus, Bahrain and Uganda. We went to all these foreign places and we'd eat English
food. My dad Fred eventually thought he could make cury but it was really English stew with curry powder, desiccated cocnut,
sultanas and pineapple.
I
went back to boarding school in England whe I was 12, and the food was bloody depserate. There used to be this stuff called
welsh rarebit which nobody could face - it was gunk. For breakfast we once has baked beans and just hot boiled tomatoes. There
used to be a punishment called 'toast' where you had to get up early and make toast for 128 boys' breakfasts. I was a good
toaster.
I
started cooking at university, things like spag bol. I learnt to cook from books, my mum didn't really teach me. She was quite
old-fashioned and beef was always well done. When you eventually find out the joys of rare beef it seems a shame you've spent
years eating charcoal.
When
Jennifer [Saunders] and I decided to get married we'd already booked a holiday, so we decided to call it the honeymoon. There
are two little volcanic hills in St Lucia that look like breasts called The Pitons. Our hotel was just nestled inside them,
and I had a Piton burger with Thousand Island dressing. I got food poisoning and thought I was going to die. I was in the
toilet for three days. It was coming out of ever orifice!
We
eat a mixture of English and Mediterranean food - lots of roast meats and roast vegetables. I don't really like chinese of
indian food. At home I had been doing all the cooking because I was competent and liked it. But when you've got three kids,
what used to be a joy becomes a chore. So I suggested to Jennifer that she started cooking, and of course she does it better
than I do.
She
can cook anything and she's very good with meat. We've got this farm with sheep and cows. We haven't eaten any of our own
animals yet. But I've got some lambs I'm going to slaughter. The calves may be harder to do because cows are gorgeous.
No-velle Cuisine:
Nouvelle cuisine is really pointless. It's like someone has spat on a plate. With any cuisine that they have had to carve
vegetables, think about how many finger have touched your food and for how long!
Balls Up: In
Paris when I was a student, I ordered what I thought was rice with veal, but someone told me they were calves testicles and
it looked like it! I ate one then was told it was offal. A few years ago I was in Paris again and thought I was ordering offal
because I recognised the word. But it was a steamed lump of brain. There was no gravy and it was a bit rubbery.
Telling Porkies:
I once worked in a pork pie factory and every week there was a list posted on the notice board of what had been found in the
pies during that week. There were about 30 catagories, and one at the bottom said 'miscellanious'. I don't eat pork pies any
more. When it says 110 per cent pork, it means the bones, the skin, hairs, eyeballs, everything. Nice.
The World's My
Oyster: I used to love oysters. Then once I had a bad one on Christmas Day. I missed my lunch because of it.
Now I can't face one because I remember how ill it made me.
Large On Little:
Alistair Little has two London restaurants - one in Notting Hill and one in Soho. He cooks great food and is a nice bloke.
I met him once in the toilet and he was very jolly. I like people who like their food.
*taken from: Tv Quick January 2004*
